


Valentine

by gardener



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Daddy Kink, Exes, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, M/M, Touring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 07:43:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16593707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gardener/pseuds/gardener
Summary: Luke was always crying about Valentine, and angry with him. He was always yelling on the phone, whenever the man had fucked somebody else, and would cry and cry and cry until the tears were just… gone. Ashton couldn't take it anymore. He needed this to change, needed everything to be okay again.





	Valentine

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to Valentine and I suddenly had a strange interpretation of it that I needed to work out in a fic. I was at the show in Amsterdam. It was really good, just the dream, that's why it starts there.

‘Aren’t you going to answer that?’ The sound of an annoying iOS default ringtone had been filling the tour bus for tens of seconds now, and Ashton was quite frankly getting annoyed. Luke shook his head. ‘Who is it?’ The blond showed the drummer the screen of his phone: it was Valentine. ‘Ah.’ It was just a sound, but it still made Luke frown.

‘What was that?’ 

‘What was what?’

‘That sound, that “ah” you just let out,’ explained Luke, a rather indignant look on his face. ‘What was that? Are you trying to-’

‘Luke, what the fuck?’ Ashton cut him off. ‘It was nothing, let it go. I’m not trying to do anything.’ The phone stopped ringing. ‘Why is he calling?’

‘I don’t know. I… I don’t know if I even _wanna_ know.’ Ashton nodded, trying to look empathetic, but he wasn’t. He didn’t get what this was, this thing that those two had going on. ‘He’s been trying to call me all day.’

‘Why don’t you just pick up, huh? It might be important if he’s called that many times.’ Luke shrugged. He seemed to not care about that. ‘Does he know we’re here right now?’

‘He’s in Amsterdam right now,’ Luke answered. ‘’s Not like he followed us here, don’t worry, he’s there for business. He… I think he wants to meet up.’

‘Do you want to? Meet up with him, I mean.’ The blond shrugged once again.

‘I don’t know, I might wanna see him after the show tonight.’ Ashton nodded. ‘Maybe he just wants a quick fuck between appointments, though.’ The drummer gritted his teeth.

‘Probably.’

‘What the fuck is that supposed to mean?’ Luke hissed. The situation was very confusing, to both of them. Luke seemed to want to get a reaction out of Ashton, but when he gave it to him, he just snapped. What did he want?

 ‘You were the one who said it, not me.’

 ‘Doesn’t mean you should be so quick to agree,’ snarled the blond. ‘Maybe he wants to take me out for dinner.’ Ashton shrugged.

 ‘Sure, yeah, maybe. Maybe he just wants a hole to bury his dick in, maybe he wants to wine and dine you. It’s all possibilities, but I’m pretty positive I know which one’s the truth.’ Luke’s mouth was agape, now. Ashton knew it was mean, and rude of him to say that to the blond, but he couldn’t help it. Luke was being impossible.

 ‘Fucking _excuse_ me?’ It came out as a yell, which wasn’t what Ashton had quite expected. He thought this would at least stay somewhere between the lines of a quiet conversation. Michael and Calum looked up from their laptops, then looked at each other, then silently went back to what they were doing. They were both wearing headphones, so they obviously didn’t hear the context. Luke’s yelling had just sparked their attention. ‘What the _fuck_ did you just say to me?’

 ‘I’m just saying that he probably just wants to fuck you, Luke.’ He sounded spiteful, almost evil. ‘I know that, you know that too - why make such a big deal of it, dude?’ Luke stood up from his chair and walked towards Ashton, who was seated on the other side of the table they were having some coffee at. His posture was aggressive, and before he knew it, Luke had lashed out at him.

 ‘Hey, hey, hey, we don’t do that around here!’ yelled Gerald from security, quickly grabbing Luke by the shoulders and pulling him away from the drummer. Ashton felt the sting of Luke’s flat handed slap on his cheek, but it didn’t bother him much. He just frowned, looking a the blond, who was looking right back at him. He looked so angry. It was probably not that strange, considering what Ashton had just said to him. He had the right to be angry. Ashton just couldn’t help it anymore.

 Luke was always crying about Valentine, and angry with him. He was always yelling on the phone, whenever the man had fucked somebody else, and would cry and cry and cry until the tears were just… _gone_. Then he went back for more. He always had bruises when he came back from Valentine, but he never talked about it. It was just hard to see Luke go back every time, even though he never got anything out of it. Luke was pretty, and famous, and Ashton knew that that was all Valentine cared about. He just wanted to fuck Luke, then dump him, again and again. It was getting tiring to watch it, to deal with it. Ashton used to fuck Luke, too, but they used to love each other. Valentine didn’t seem to even know what that meant, to love somebody. It just hurt Ashton to see his best friend, and his ex-boyfriend, in such pain, especially since he had no way of helping him. Trust him, he had tried everything he could, but Luke wouldn’t let him in. He accepted no consulting, no help. Not from Ashton, not from anybody.

 Gerald had taken Luke to the back of the bus to cool down and talk to him. Ashton felt lost. He was mad at himself for letting himself go like that, being so mean to Luke, but it was what he was turning to at the moment. It was all he seemed to be able to do. In all honesty, he was jealous, too. Jealous and concerned, and that was no good of a combination in any situation.

 

\----

 

Luke was still pissed at him for the rest of the day, completely ignoring him, even during their performance in Amsterdam that night. He normally interacted with him on stage quite a bit, but tonight there was nothing. It made Ashton feel like shit. Part of him thought, or _realized_ , that he had gone too far with saying that this early afternoon, but another part of him was convinced that Luke was being a little bitch about it. The frontman was good at holding grudges against people, and Ashton was sure he wouldn’t get to hear the end of this for a while.

 After the show, they chilled backstage and had some drinks. Luke, once again, completely shut Ashton out. He didn’t talk to him, or sat next to him like he usually did, and drank more than the drummer deemed responsible.

 ‘I’m leaving,’ he announced at a bit past 12. ‘I’ll meet you guys at the hotel for breakfast.’

 ‘Where are you going?’ Michael asked, curiously. Ashton already knew. Of course he knew. He wasn’t fucking stupid. Luke frowned.

 ‘Oh, just… ‘m Just heading to Valentine’s for the night. He’s staying at a hotel somewhere around here for work.’ The guitarist nodded with a frown and let him go. ‘See you guys later.’ Ashton nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. He didn’t think speaking up would be in his best interest, so he remained silent. They chilled for a bit more, and Ashton felt sick. They left the AFAS Live venue at half past 1 and headed to the hotel they were staying at.

 

\----

 

Luke was there, as he said, the next morning at breakfast. It looked like he was wearing makeup around his right eye. Ashton could see darkness underneath. The clothes he wore weren’t his, and he looked dead inside.

 ‘Have fun, last night?’ Calum asked silently, taking a very forced bite of his toast. Calum had been feeling bad, too, lately. He barely ate. Ashton monitored him, but he couldn’t always do so. He wanted to help him, but it was hard, because they all needed help. All of them.

 ‘Yeah, was nice,’ Luke answered, not looking up from his plate. There was a cracker with a little bit of avocado on it, but he hadn’t even touched it yet. They were already 15 minutes into sitting at the table. Michael had already finished his bowl of cereal and Ashton was almost finished with his oats, too. Nobody mentioned the makeup and the possible black eye, but they all shared glances with each other. Luke sipped from his coffee, not talking. He was pale and looked like he was very cold, even though he was wearing a huge sweater. Ashton wanted to father him. He wanted to take him to the bathroom of his hotel room and scrub the makeup off his face and yell at him, and yell at Valentine for doing this to him. But he remained silent. He needed Luke to not act like a robot anymore, but nothing he did worked. It never did.

 ‘Cal, you okay?’ Michael asked, shifting all the attention to the bassist. Calum was sitting there, eyes closed, like he was about to pass out.

 ‘I’m okay, just… just a little dizzy.’ But then he threw up, all over the table in front of them.  Ashton rushed towards him, sitting down on his knees besides him. ‘I’m fine, I’m sorry. Ew, just… Ugh…’ He stood up, but immediately sat back down. Ashton could see his legs giving in, his knees buckling.

 ‘It’s okay, it’s alright.’ He rubbed Calum’s knee. ‘Mike, can you go and get somebody to clean this up?’ The guitarist nodded and was off to find somebody. ‘Look at me?’ He did. ‘It’s gonna be okay, yeah? We’re gonna get you onto the bus and then you can sleep for a while longer, yeah?’ Calum nodded. He looked very sick.

 ‘Yeah, I’ll be fine.’ Luke was just sitting there, looking sick as well, but he also looked very useless, like he had no idea what to do. Ashton wanted to comfort him, too, but he wouldn’t. Luke wouldn’t let him, anyway. It was no use even worrying about it.

 

\----

 

They went to Hamburg, and it would take about six hours for them to arrive there. Calum went to sleep as soon as he was on the bus, and Ashton predicted him to sleep the entire ride.

 ‘Do you have a black eye?’ Michael asked, when they were seated on the couch, drinking some water and listening to music. Luke looked up.

 ‘Oh, this?’ He pointed at his eye. ‘I was kinda drunk last night, and I walked right into the glass door to the balcony because I thought it was open. Really dumb.’ He had already thought of an excuse. Very clever, not very convincing, though. Michael nodded with a frown.

 ‘Obviously,’ he grinned slyly. ‘That’s what most black eyes come from, isn’t it?’ Luke rolled his eyes and ignored him. He played on his phone. Ashton wanted to know what he was doing, if he was texting Valentine again. He didn’t ask. Michael looked just as concerned as him, but he kind of turned it all into a joke instead of dealing with it like Ashton did, which, for the record, wasn’t the way to go, either.

 ‘How’s Cal doing?’ asked the frontman. ‘Is he up?’

 ‘No, he’s asleep,’ Michael replied. He chewed on his lower lip. ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with him. I’m worried.’ Ashton nodded. Luke did, too. ‘I can’t remember the last time I saw him eat anything, and he smokes a lot.’ He sighed. ‘He won’t talk to me.’ Ashton felt immensely guilty for just focusing on Luke when Calum was doing just as bad, maybe even worse than him. He hadn’t asked him to talk about it once. A knot formed in his stomach.

 ‘I’ll try to talk to him, when he wakes up,’ he said.

 ‘And you think he will talk to you?’ Luke frowned. The corner of his mouth was curled up in a nasty way and he sounded convicting. ‘Right, because you’re our dad, and everything you say goes. And we can all trust you, so, _so_ much. So he must talk to you, then, huh?’

 ‘Luke, what the fuck?’ Michael frowned. ‘Where the hell is all of this coming from?’ Ashton’s glare was deadly, and he could see the blond tensing, but he tried to look unfazed by the man’s stare. ‘Hello?’ His gaze snapped towards the guitarist.

 ‘It’s true. Ashton thinks he does everything perfectly, that he’s the most responsible of us, and that that gives him the right to boss us around. Well, it’s _not_ , and you’re _not_ , and you’re _not_ perfect.’ Luke’s voice was shaky, but he visibly tried to look convincing and steady.

 ‘When did I ever say that? When _the fuck_ did I ever say that I think I do everything perfectly?’ The drummer sounded gruff and solid. He wasn’t going to let Luke get to him. ‘Because I don’t, I know I don’t do everything perfectly. Nobody does.’ His eyes were clenched into slits. ‘And you think I like daddying you?’ He did. ‘I don’t.’  It was a lie. He loved it, he just wished it wasn’t necessary. ‘But you make it so fucking hard for me, Luke, you make it so fucking hard for everybody. We stay quiet, most of the time. I do, too, but it’s not fun to watch you come back from that asshole of a Valentine with a black eye, or twenty bruises, or bitemarks and hickeys. And you’ll cry, and that breaks my heart, every single fucking time you let out a tear because of him, because of fucking anything, Luke. So, sure, if you can’t take care of yourself, I will. That’s all.’ Luke hissed.

 ‘I can take care of myself, _Ashton_.’

 ‘You have a black eye, _Luke_. You didn’t walk into a glass door, every fucking idiot can figure that out. Even Michael knows that Valentine punched you in the face.’ Luke stood up and walked out of the communal room, towards the dorms. They didn’t see him again for the rest of the ride to Hamburg.

 Two falling outs in two days. It was a new record, really, but Luke was bringing it upon himself. Ashton wanted him to realize that this wasn’t okay, that this needed to stop. He wanted it so badly, but Luke was in love with Valentine. Nothing Ashton said would matter as long as he was in love. He wished it would still be him Luke was gone for. But it wasn’t.

 

\----

 

‘Cal, can we talk for a minute?’ He needed to talk to him, badly. The maori boy nodded.

 ‘Sure, Ash, what’s up?’ The bassist turned to him, adjusting his posture. Ashton was almost certain he heard his bones crack when he did that, but he didn’t mention it. ‘Is Luke getting to you?’ Oh, _oh_ , he thought this was about _him_.

 ‘No, that’s… I don’t know what that is, I’ll figure it out.’ He waved it away. ‘I wanna talk about _you_.’ Calum swallowed. Ashton saw his adam’s apple bob.

 ‘Yeah, okay. What about me?’

 ‘I’m worried about you,’ he deadpanned. He thought it would be better to jump right to it. ‘You’re not eating, you’re smoking a hell of a lot of cigarettes, and you’re just… You’re not yourself. It’s worrying me. Mike and Luke, too.’

 ‘Eh… Yeah, I don’t know. I’m okay, I guess, just haven’t been feeling my absolute best.’

 ‘You don’t seem okay to me, Cal. You can talk to me. I won’t tell the others if you don’t want me to. You can trust me.’ He nodded.

 ‘I do, Ash, it’s fine. I don’t know, I just haven’t been feeling super great. It’s nothing huge. I just don’t… I’m, like, not in touch with my feelings at the moment? If that makes sense.’ It was Ashton’s turn to nod, now. ‘You don’t have to worry ‘bout it. I’ll be okay.’ He smiled, but it seemed nowhere near genuine.

 ‘Michael said that you weren’t talking to him, either,’ noted the drummer.

 ‘Either? I’m talking to you, aren’t I?’

 ‘You know what I mean.’ Calum sighed, playing with the hem of his sweater. ‘I want to help you, Cal. You’ll be fine, I know that, but it’s okay to need some help to be okay again.’

 ‘The touring is just getting a lot. All the attention, all the focus on me. It’s hard.’ Ashton nodded empathetically, letting his hand rest on the bassist’s bony knee. ‘I don’t know what it is, but I’ve been getting really anxious, and on stage it’s even worse. It’s stressing me out. I don’t know what to do.’ He seemed anxious now, as well.

 ‘We have a show in a few hours,’ said Ashton. He felt Calum tense under his hand. ‘How does that make you feel?’ He sounded like a fucking therapist and he knew it, but he needed to help his friend, and this was a way to do it.

 ‘What do you mean?’

 ‘When you think about tonight, about rocking out on stage, yeah?’ Calum nodded. ‘What do you feel, when you think about it? What do you feel when you’re on stage?’

 ‘I… I don’t know. My heart races, and I… I feel sick.’ He looked sick, too, like he was about to either pass out or puke.

 ‘Do you need to throw up?’ Honesty was key here, Ashton decided. He didn’t want to waste a minute, if he did. The bassist shook his head.

 ‘No, I’m alright. It’s… I…’ He let out a strangled sound. ‘When I’m on stage, I just feel all the eyes on me, and I freeze. I… Whenever I’m not playing, I just… I just _freeze_. And fans are noticing. It was all over Twitter, yesterday. The people at the show in Amsterdam, they… they were tweeting that I looked off. And after the show, this girl came up to me, too, and she asked me if I was okay, and I didn’t know what to say. I said no. I don’t know why.’

 ‘That’s okay, babe, you can tell people if you’re not feeling well.’ He rubbed his knee with his large hand. ‘So, on stage, you freeze when you see everybody looking at you, yeah?’ He nodded.

 ‘And I… I can’t breathe. I just, I can’t breathe in that moment.’

 ‘How about you and I go and do some breathing exercises right now? And when you’re feeling that way on stage tonight, you’re going to do the same thing. Sound like a plan?’

 ‘Yeah, that… that sounds nice.’ Calum hung a small, honest smile around his lips. That was all Ashton wanted to see. ‘Thank you.’

 

\----

 

Hamburg was an okay city. German fans were great. Ashton didn’t _love_ the city on its own, but he wasn’t mad at it. The venue was pretty and big, though, so he was content. The show went well. Luke ignored him, again, and it was starting to get to him. He wanted things to be okay between them again. He missed Luke, a lot.

 Calum had done very well. He’d panicked on stage, that was obvious, but he’d used the breathing exercises Ashton had taught him, and it had helped him keep calm, even though the fans were apparently even more worried about him, now.

 After the show, they went straight to the hotel. They had the next day off, but they would be on the bus for 5 hours, driving to Copenhagen. Ashton dreaded it. There was no escaping, running away from a situation, if you were in a vehicle on the highway, and his last two arguments with Luke had took place on said bus. He was nervous, would’ve rather slept on the bus and arrive in the morning, but he wasn’t the one in charge of that.

 ‘Can we talk?’ Luke said as soon as they arrived at the hotel. Ashton nodded. ‘In private?’ The drummer took the blond to his hotel room, neatly swiping the keycard through the scanner. It was a nice room. He wanted to take a shower very badly. He was always very sweaty after a show. Drumming was quite physical.

 ‘What do you wanna talk about?’ he asked as he sat down on the bed. Luke jumped onto the bed, too, sitting down cross-legged and with a nervous expression on his face.

 ‘I was an asshole to you this morning.’

 ‘Yes.’

 ‘You-’ The singer took a deep breath. ‘I want to apologize for that, so, there you go: I’m sorry.’

 ‘Apology accepted.’ Luke was frowning, now, as if he had expected more than that.

 ‘That’s it?’ So, he was right. ‘You’re not going to say sorry to me, too? You were an asshole, as well. I wasn’t the only one who was wrong, this morning.’

 ‘Luke, you snapped at me out of nowhere, I didn’t do anything wrong. Sure, it may have been a little blunt of me to throw the whole “Val punched you in the face” thing in there, but it’s the truth. I haven’t said anything but the truth.’ Luke violently chewed on his lip. ‘You need to stop doing that.’ Ashton tapped on the blond’s lip, and he quickly let go.

 ‘Why do you hate him so much?’ Luke asked.

 ‘Luke…’

 ‘I’m serious, Ash, I don’t get it.’ Was he really that deluded? ‘Why do you hate him so much? I… Why can’t you just be happy that I’m happy?’

 ‘Luke, you’re… Are you? Are you _really_ happy? With him?’ Ashton didn’t even know what to say, at this point. Did Luke really think that that was it? That he wasn’t happy that he was happy? That he wanted to ruin his joy? That was… _sad_. ‘Because I want you to be, but I don’t see it. You look so sad all the time, and he doesn’t treat you right.’

 ‘You didn’t always treat me right either, Ash, it doesn’t mean that we weren’t great together.’

 ‘I know I wasn’t always the best boyfriend, and that you deserved better sometimes, a lot of the time, but I never beat you. I never got physical with you when I was angry.’ He frowned, looking at his lap. ‘I mean, sure I did, but that was only the sex, that wasn’t _real_. I never laid a single evil finger on you. I can’t stand the idea of Valentine hurting you like that.’ He sighed deeply. ‘Are you happy with him, Luke?’

 ‘I am.’ It broke his heart to hear him say that. ‘It’s not always easy, but… but I love him.’ Ashton wanted to throw himself off of the balcony. ‘Can you accept that?’ The drummer shook his head, truthfully. He couldn’t accept that.

 ‘I’m sorry, I can’t.’

 ‘Then… Then I guess we’re done talking.’ Luke ripped his necklace off, the one that Ashton and he both had, the one with the moon dangling from it. He threw it down on the bed and left the room. Ashton let his face rest in his hands. _Fuck_.

 

\----

 

Copenhagen was a city Ashton was always excited to go to, even though it was very cold in Denmark. 5 hours on the bus wasn’t as long as Ashton had for some reason expected, but it was still too long. Too long for nothing to go down, that was.

 ‘I can’t have you ignoring me,’ Ashton said when they were about 2 hours into the ride and Luke hadn’t said a word to him, even though he had asked him questions about their performance tomorrow. ‘People are going to notice.’ The last time Ashton and Luke were going through a dark period in their “friendship”, which was essentially them ending their relationship, which people obviously didn’t know about, the fans were concerned. They noticed their strange attitude towards each other, and they didn’t like it one bit. ‘I don’t want the fans to know that we’re not on good terms.’

 ‘We’re on good terms,’ Luke snapped. ‘We’re bandmates, we’re… I just can’t be friends with you right now. That’s all. People won’t notice, period.’

 ‘Don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic?’ frowned Michael from the couch. He was chewing on a candy bar. ‘Ashton doesn’t like your boyfriend. ‘s Not like you’ve ever liked any of his partners. I don’t get it.’

 ‘I didn’t ask for your opinion. It’s just what I feel.’

 ‘Luke, can’t you, like, talk about it or something? Don’t you think it’s at least _reasonable_ for Ashton to dislike Valentine? Considering what he’s… I mean, you know what I mean.’ He sounded objective. ‘I’m not gonna lie, he isn’t my cup of tea either.’

 ‘So now all of you are turning against me?’ Luke looked sad, and Ashton felt guilty. He knew he didn’t have to, knew that it wasn’t fair, but he still felt a pang in his chest when he saw the singer’s face. ‘You… You don’t have to _like_ him, I… I know it’s not something I can expect from you, but… I just…’ He sighed deeply, and rubbed his eyes with closed fists.

 ‘Look, Luke, we just want you to be happy,’ said Michael, matter of factly. ‘That’s all. The only problem here is that, even though you probably love him, he’s not making you happy. People who hit other people don’t make them happy.’ He took a breath. ‘Why does he hurt you? Do you know?’

 ‘Michael, he doesn’t _hurt_ me.’ That was a lie, and Ashton saw in his blue orbs that he knew that, too. ‘He just has a bit of a short temper, nothing I can’t handle.’

 ‘So he did punch you in the face?’

 ‘No.’

 ‘But he has a short temper.’ Michael was on a roll. Ashton wisely decided not to interfere.

 ‘Y- Yes? It’s unrelated.’

 ‘No it’s not.’

 ‘Michael, shut up.’ Luke just looked defeated. His eyes looked tired and his entire posture _screamed_ “stop”. He was over it. Michael pushed it some more.

 ‘I can call the police, y’know? It’s physical abuse.’

 ‘Excuse me? You’re not calling the fucking cops on anyone. It’s not abuse. He’s not abusive. You just don’t like him. Just… Leave me alone, okay? I don’t know what to tell you anymore. Everything I saw goes right through you. You don’t even listen!’

 ‘I do listen, Luke. You just wish I don’t. If I hadn’t listened, I wouldn’t have heard what you just said. That he has a short temper.’

 ‘Jesus Christ, Michael, please,’ muttered Luke under his breath, but it was clear as day. ‘I don’t wanna talk about it, okay? I’m fine, he’s fine.’ He seemed everything but fine. ‘And Ashton, we’ll figure something out. Just, I don’t know, just interact with me on stage.’

 ‘Luke, I’m the drummer. You need to interact with _me_. I can’t leave my seat.’

 ‘Sure, yeah, I’ll interact with you, then. We’ll figure it out.’ Ashton nodded. He wanted to wrap Luke in blankets and give him tea, even though he was pissed at him. He just looked so tired, so _done_. It was terrible.

 

\----

 

‘Yes, I would love that.’ Ashton heard Luke talk to Valentine on the phone. He sounded enthusiastic, in love, like he had just gotten the best news he’d ever received. ‘Yes. Yes, you’re amazing. I… Yes, absolutely, I’ll see you there. Call me. You too. Thank you.’ Ashton said nothing, when he hung up the phone, but Luke looked at him with an expecting gaze. He wanted him to say something, the drummer realized, he wanted him to comment on the phone call, or to ask about it. He didn’t. Luke’s eyes went dull, and he went back to work. It left Ashton confused.

 

\----

 

‘Hi.’ It was Valentine, and he was here. With his broad shoulders, and his black hair, and his eyes the color of Ashton’s coffee.

 ‘Eh, hello?’ said the drummer. ‘What are you doing here? We… I mean _I_ , wasn’t expecting company?’ He looked at Luke, who looked like an obedient dog next to the man’s side.

 ‘I have some spare time to fill before I’m heading back to LA, so I thought; why not spend some time with my beauty?’ Luke blushed furiously at the man’s words. Ashton’s blood boiled. He nodded, though, trying not to show his distaste. He was sure it was written all over his face, however. Valentine was here. It was just hitting him. What the fuck was he doing here? Where was he going to stay? How long was he going to be staying for? Ashton felt the jealousy rushing through his body when he heard Luke giggling as the man kissed his neck. They were in Oslo, now, which was normally as exciting as every other city, but now, Ashton couldn’t wait to leave.

 ‘Where will you be staying?’ asked Calum. His voice was soft and quiet.

 ‘With Luke, of course.’ Ashton wanted to punch him in the face so badly. It took everything he had not to attack him. Fucking touching his boy. Who the fuck did he think he was? ‘Gonna have a little hotel room fun, huh?’ He winked at the blond. Ashton stood up and left the dressing room of the Sentrum Scene venue. He went to the restroom, and splashed some water into his face. He needed to calm the fuck down, because this wasn’t it. He didn’t want Luke to see that he was jealous, and he most certainly didn’t want Valentine to see.

 He was better than him. Of course he was. He hadn’t always treated Luke the way he should have, when they were together, and there was nothing he regretted more than that. Lately, he had been wishing that he’d been there for Luke more every single day. If he had listened to him more, if he had kept asking if he was okay, if he had put a little more time into Luke, then maybe they would have still been together. Then, Luke wouldn’t be in this crazy abusive relationship, or whatever you want to call it, with this Valentine asshole. Ashton could treat him right. He had grown, he had learned from his mistakes. He wanted to make the blond feel good again, and not just physically. He wanted to have conversations with him, whenever he was feeling down, or feeling great. He wanted to lock them into a room together and talk and fuck and to hold him for days, never coming out. But he couldn’t. And Luke didn’t want to.

 

\----

 

Hotel walls were only this thick. Ashton could hear Luke and Valentine fucking in the room next to him, and he threw up all over the bathroom. He’d had too much to drink, _way_ too much to drink, and he hated himself for it. There was nothing he wanted to do more than barge into their room and stab Valentine in the chest. Or cut his balls off. It didn’t matter as long as he was in excruciating pain. He scared himself by thinking like that, but he meant it. He hated Valentine, with his entire being.

 Luke just sounded uncomfortable, and everything moved in the next room. Ashton blocked out the sounds by pressing his ear into the pillow and covering his face with the white bedsheets. It took him too long to fall asleep.

 

\----

 

Valentine was still there, the next morning, as expected. Ashton had hoped he would have left, but he hadn’t. He sat steadily at the table at breakfast, next to Luke, looking smooth, like he had accomplished his goal. Luke deserved so much better.

 

\----

 

Stockholm was a fun city. They went sightseeing for a minute before heading to the Fryshuset. Valentine wasn’t with them, but he would be at the show, and Luke couldn’t be more excited about that. Ashton hated it.

 ‘Do I look okay?’ Luke asked as he stood in front of a full-length mirror in the dressing room of the venue, about half an hour before they had to go on stage. His outfit was a bit different from what he usually wore on stage nowadays. Eclectic orange pants, a Guns ‘n’ Roses T and a leather jacket. It was different, but it was good different.  Ashton nodded.

 ‘You look hot,’ he noted with a wink. Luke blushed, he _blushed_. Ashton felt smug. This was how he wanted to make the blond feel. He wanted to be the cause of his blush, the cause of the tickles in his stomach. Luke was that for him. He needed the feelings to be returned.

 ‘Thank you,’ he smiled, dimples in his cheeks. It was evident that he wanted to say something, but he didn’t. So naturally, Ashton did.

 ‘You always look good, Luke,’ he flirted casually. He eyed the boy up and down, and the younger one squirmed under his gaze. ‘Hope your new daddy sees that, too.’ Okay, to be fair, he’d definitely had a few shots of whisky. It had really rolled out of his mouth before he knew. Luke turned as red as a tomato, and Ashton loved it.

 ‘Ash,’ he smiled, looking almost shy. The man hadn’t seen his ex like that in a long time.

 ‘Isn’t he?’ he asked. ‘Your new daddy, I mean.’ Luke shushed him.

 ‘You’re loud,’ he whisper-yelled. It was quite a sight. ‘And no, I don’t call him that.’

 ‘I heard you, last night,’ frowned the drummer. ‘You were definitely calling him that.’

 ‘He… eh…’ He took a second to bite his lip. ‘He asked me to do that, to, eh… To make you jealous.’ That sparked Ashton’s interest. ‘I need another shot.’ Luke walked to the table, and Ashton followed him. They toasted and did another shot of whisky. It burned unpleasantly in his throat. He had a shit eating grin on his face as he turned to the blond.

 ‘So he sees me as competition, huh?’ He wiggled his eyebrows. Luke didn’t respond, just kept biting his lip. ‘Good. He should.’ He took a sip of water. ‘I am.’ And with that, they were called for the last check to go on stage. Ashton saw Luke looking confused. He loved it.

 

\----

 

The show had been amazing, and because it had worn Ashton out so much, he’d had the best night’s rest of the tour that night. Valentine and Luke shared a hotel room again, but this time the drummer didn't hear them. He was very content with that.

 They were headed to Cologne, the next day, which would be about a 15 hour drive, and Ashton was in no way looking forward to that. It was fine, though, they had to get there one way or another, and Ashton actually really liked Cologne as a city. It was all good.

 ‘He’s been ignoring me since he left,’ said Luke. It was 4 o’clock in the afternoon, and they had been on the road since 7am. Valentine had taken an plane back to Los Angeles, which, if all had gone well and Ashton had heard correctly, left at 9 in the morning.

 ‘L, he’s on the plane.’

 ‘He paid for in-flight wifi. He’s been active on Twitter the whole time and he hasn’t said a thing to me.’ The drummer felt a little bad for him, but just a little. He still hated Valentine with a burning passion, so every second Luke thought badly of him felt like a huge blessing.

 ‘Did you say something confronting?’ Ashton fished. ‘Maybe he needs some time to think before responding.’ He did this all the time.

 ‘I didn’t say anything confronting, or weird. I… I don’t get it.’ He looked genuinely conflicted, which was relatively confusing to Ashton, because hadn’t he at least seen this coming? ‘I thought that if we saw each other again, if I, like, _gave_ myself to him, that he would… I don’t know.’ He shook his head and rubbed his eyes.

 ‘That he would what?’ Ashton took a sip from his coffee, frowning. He wanted to know what the blond was thinking. He was very curious about the way his brain processed things, because it seemed quite out of the ordinary.

 ‘I don’t know, that he would like me again? Because in Amsterdam…’ He groaned. ‘Ugh, in Amsterdam we got into a fight, and he said… You know what? This is, like, not really something I should be talking to you about.’

 ‘What do you mean? Because we’re exes? Just talk to me. We’re also best friends, and bandmates.’ He nodded, encouragingly. ‘Spill it.’

 ‘You were right,’ Luke said, and he spoke like it was the hardest thing he’d ever admitted. ‘When you said that, that morning on the bus, you were right.’ It took Ashton a good few seconds before he understood what the blond was trying to say.

 ‘Oh,’ he let out. ‘He… He said that? Or…’

 ‘Yeah, he… he told me that he didn’t really feel a connection anymore, like, mentally, or romantically, whatever. And that he… that he wanted to keep seeing me, but, eh, just for, y’know, sex.’ He took a deep breath. ‘So, you were right. He just wanted to fuck me.’ The blond pulled a face. ‘And then I, for some reason, thought that… that if I gave him more of me, more than I already did, that he’d stay. But it didn’t work. I could’ve known.’

 ‘What, eh, what did you do?’

 ‘It’s kind of, like…’ Luke’s face had reddened very quickly. ‘He, eh, he wanted to fuck me, but also, eh…’ He was visibly struggling to put it into terms. ‘DP, he wanted to try double penetration.’ He made an annoyed face. ‘“Try”, like he hadn’t done that before with anybody. I didn’t find that out until after, though.’ He sighed deeply. Ashton decided it was better to just listen. There was a lump in his throat. Just thinking about somebody touching Luke sexually made him furious. This was obviously much worse. ‘So… Yeah, you may not remember this, but we… You wanted to try that too, at one point. Few years ago.’

 ‘No, I remember.’  Of course he remembered. There wasn’t much that Ashton had forgotten about their sex life. ‘You, eh, you _really_ didn’t want to.’

 ‘No, and Ash, I’m glad we didn’t.’ The frontman looked nauseous. ‘It… Ash, it… _Fuck_ , it hurt so bad. Like, I don’t even know how to explain it. And I was fucking high as a kite, too.’ He seemed on the verge of tears. Ashton felt icky, too, now. ‘And it didn’t work. I… I gave him that one thing that he wanted to bad, and that I absolutely didn’t want, and… and it didn’t work. He still doesn’t want me.’

 ‘I’m sorry, Luke,’ sighed Ashton. ‘That sucks, that’s really all I can say.’

 A couple of years ago, when Ashton was maybe 20, 21 at best, which meant Luke had been either 18 or 19, he had asked to try it, too. He wanted to fuck Luke, but simultaneously fuck him with a dildo, or maybe something else. But Luke was always tight, and back in the day, he was always hurting. Preparation took ages. Ashton never minded it. He loved it, really. He loved that the blond was always so tight, because:

 1) It felt really good to take his time with the boy before doing the deed;

2) It made him feel better about himself, because Luke hurting whenever he fucked him without very, very careful preparation for some reason translated to “I have an enormous cock” in Ashton’s delusional 20-year-old brain.

 The moral of the story was that Luke never wanted to try it, because it would hurt him too much, and he was, though quite a masochist in the bedroom, terrified of “real” pain. The fact that he was so desperate to keep Valentine in his life that he had let him do that to him scared the living hell out of Ashton.

 ‘It sucks. It… Fuck it hurt so much. I can still feel it.’ The look in his eyes was one of pure trauma. He sounded like he was about to cry. ‘It wasn’t worth it, at _all_. We’re never going to do that, Ash.’ The words shook both of them up. They looked at each other, like deers in headlights. It had rolled off of Luke’s tongue without a thought. ‘I mean… Eh…’ Ashton thought about it, for a second. Was this some type of Freudian Slip? Him accidentally speaking out his desires?

 ‘I, yeah, no, I get what you mean.’ And he did, but it had a much different meaning. Ashton always saw himself ending up with Luke, whatever happened, so this wasn’t even a shock. It was just a lot that the blond apparently felt the same about the future, that he had the same image in his head as Ashton. ‘Do you need a hug?’

 ‘Yeah.’ It came out like a sigh, and the drummer opened his arms for the blond to crawl into. He did. ‘I love you. ‘m Sorry for being a dick.’

 ‘Me too, I love you too.’

 

\----

 

After that conversation on the bus, things didn’t quite return to the way they were before that. Luke started being less distant, and it was very noticeable. Ashton was happy that he was letting him in more.

 They arrived at the hotel in Cologne at 10:30, which wasn’t too bad. They went down to the bar in the hotel, which was fortunately exclusively available for hotel guests, and ordered drinks. Luke nursed a gin tonic like nobody’s business, and Ashton drank scotch. Calum and Michael were caught up in a deep conversation with another guest, a Portuguese businessman who had absolutely no clue what “a 5 Seconds of Summer” was.

 ‘Do you wanna stay in my room tonight?’ deadpanned Ashton in the middle of a stupid conversation about John Feldmann. First Luke almost choked on his drink, and then Calum and Michael, who apparently suddenly had the hearing of hawks, just about spat out theirs.

 ‘W- What?’ the blond coughed, literally trying to get the g&t out of his windpipe.

 ‘I just thought you could use the comfort,’ Ashton explained to Luke,  before sharply eyeing his other bandmates. ‘Get your minds out of the gutter.’ They imitated him in the most annoying way possible and went back to their conversation with the Portuguese fella.

 ‘Oh,’ Luke blushed. ‘Yeah, okay, I’ll stay in your room tonight, if you want.’ Ashton nodded.

 ‘Good.’ He licked his teeth. ‘Have you heard anything from Valentine yet?’

 ‘Eh, yeah, he texted me,’ said the blond. It pissed Ashton off already, even though he had no idea what he had even said. Why couldn’t he just leave Luke alone?

 ‘Oh, really? What’d he say?’ He was trying his best to sound casual and not like a jealous asshole, but he was pretty sure he didn’t come across as relaxed at all.

 ‘Nothing special. Just that he was back in LA, and that he missed… eh, “me”.’ Ashton was quick to realize that “me” between quotation marks had nothing to do with personality. He’d probably said something disgusting like:

I miss your tight lil’ ass, or;

I miss having my tongue so far up your hole that I can taste last night’s dinner, or maybe something like;

I miss you bouncing up and down my HUGE dick.

Okay, maybe that last one was a little over the top, and that second one too, but Ashton just imagined him texting like that. He was a jerk, after all: a jerk with a massive ego. The drummer got chills just thinking about him being intimate with Luke, with _his_ Luke.

 ‘Right,’ cringed the older man at his own thoughts. ‘So, you’re staying with me, tonight. Exciting.’ He wiggled his eyebrows.

 ‘Ashton, you can’t tell us to get our minds out of the gutter if you say stuff like that,’ muttered Calum. Michael laughed and wrapped an arm around the Maori boy’s shoulder. Ashton ignored them, and focused on the frontman.

 ‘’s Definitely been a while since we’ve last slept together.’ He quickly shook his head. ‘I mean, yeah, slept in the same bed, together.’

 ‘Sure has,’ Ashton nodded.

 

\----

 

‘So, are you coming in or are you going to stand there until the sun comes up?’ Ashton smirked as he looked at the singer. Luke was just standing there, like he was very carefully calculating every move he made.

 ‘I… Yeah, sure, no, yeah, sorry.’ He seemed a bit dazed.

 ‘Luke, relax,’ chuckled the drummer. The blond nodded and walked towards the bed, slowly climbing in. He was pale and looked nervous. ‘You look like you’ve seen a ghost, L, are you okay?’

 ‘Are we going to fuck?’ he blurted out.

 ‘What?’ Ashton’s eyes went wide. ‘No, we’re… What? No?’ Luke looked confused, maybe conflicted. ‘Yes?’ Luke then turned to panic. ‘No, no, we’re not going to fuck?’ Halfway through the sentence the statement turned into a question, and it would have been quite hilarious if they hadn’t been so panicked. ‘Do you want to?’

 ‘No?’ It came out as a question, like he didn’t know. ‘Yes? I don’t fucking know. Is that weird, that I maybe assumed that a little?’

 ‘I mean, I didn’t mean to give you that impression, that I wanted to have sex.’

 ‘So you don’t?’

 ‘I mean, I do? I think? I mean, I’m always down to fuck when it comes to you, you know this. But, eh, I don’t fucking know either. This could go horribly wrong.’

 ‘No, you’re right,’ Luke sighed. ‘I… We shouldn’t. It’s a bad idea.’

 ‘Yeah. Let’s just, like, maybe cuddle for a minute, and go to sleep.’ Luke nodded, and then Ashton nodded, but neither of them meant it. It took less than half a minute of pure and utter silence for them to quite frankly jump each other’s bones.

 Luke was on top, at first, kissing Ashton while clinging to him for dear life. It was wild, and uncontrolled, but it was good. It was desperate. That was the word. The drummer flipped them over after a while, and squeezed the bulge in Luke’s boxers. The younger bloke hissed, and swatted his hand away.

 ‘Daddy can’t touch you anymore?’ growled the drummer. Luke went fucking wild when he heard that, flipping them back over. He about ripped Ashton’s boxers off, and his mouth seemed to water at the sight of his cock. He licked the head, looking up through his lashes. ‘Fuck, I missed you.’ He took pride in the fact that that didn’t make Luke stop, because apparently it wasn’t bad for Ashton to say that he had missed “him”, if he thereby meant the heat of his mouth around his cock, but it was the end of the world when Valentine did. Was that good? Ashton actually didn’t really know, but he couldn’t think straight whatsoever now that his dick was sliding down Luke’s throat. ‘Such a good boy for daddy, huh? Knows exactly what he likes. There you go, use that tongue princess.’ He moaned freely, animalistically. He used to call Luke princess when he was, what, 17? 18? Back then he was small, a little boy, a little princess. Now he was a fucking _man_. He still loved the praise, though, speeding up his movements. He let go with a pop, after a moment of sucking and gagging.

 ‘You like it, daddy? Wanna come in my mouth?’

 ‘No, baby, wanna fuck you.’ Luke chewed on his lower lip, shaking his head. ‘You don’t want daddy to fuck you, princess?’

 ‘I… Ash, ehm, I can’t.’ He seemed very disappointed in himself. ‘It… It really still hurts a lot.’ Ashton’s heart broke a little. That was really sad. ‘But you can fuck my face?’

 ‘Let me take care of you, yeah? I have a feeling you’re not being pleased as much as you please others.’ Luke kept biting his lip, but he was nodding his head now. ‘C’mere baby.’ Ashton could feel the boy’s rapid heartbeat under the hand he’d placed on his chest. ‘Can I touch you a little bit down there? See how it feels?’ The blond nodded carefully. Ashton spat on his hand and brought it down between Luke’s legs. He softly touched the boy’s hole with the wet pads of his fingers, but the boy quickly shook his head.

 ‘N- No, hurts.’ Ashton nodded, and kissed the blond’s forehead.

 ‘’s Gonna be okay, baby, it just takes a bit of time.’ Luke nodded, swallowing his spittle heavily. ‘What do you want me to do?’ His own cock was throbbing, begging to be touched, and the blond reached down to touch him, as if he could read his fucking mind. It was the best thing. ‘Jesus fuck, I love you.’

 ‘I love you too.’ The look in his eyes told Ashton that he meant it. The drummer spat on his palm again and pushed Luke’s hand away. He took both of their cocks into his hand and moved up and down. Luke moaned. ‘This is terrible for my self-confidence,’ he grinned. ‘I forgot how pathetically small my dick looks next to yours.’

 ‘Val never do this with you?’ He sped up his movements, stroking their dicks, pushing them together, hissing in pleasure.

 ‘No, this was always our thing.’ Which, in all honesty, sounded kind of pathetic, because this wasn’t the most sensual or hot thing to do, but it was their thing anyway. It was always quick, because it felt really good and Ashton had big hands, so he could wrap around both of them nicely, and get them both off quite fast. They used to always be in a hurry, because they always wanted their dicks touched when they were teens, even in dressing rooms at venues, and in public bathrooms. This was kind of their move.

 ‘Fuck, so hot.’ Luke’s lips were parted as he moaned and groaned and hissed. ‘You’re so hot, baby, so hot for daddy.’ And that made him even louder. Luke had the worst daddy issues, or the best, depending on the person saying it. He’d obviously started touring when he was very young, and he needed a father figure to tell him what was right and wrong whenever he felt like his moral compass was broken. Ashton was there, having always taken care of his siblings, and pretty much everybody in his life, like a dad. Luke had turned to Ashton to be that father figure that he missed, and, well, the rest is history.

 ‘’m Gonna come,’ the blond cried out.

 ‘Together?’

 ‘Fuck, _yes_ , you too?’ Ashton nodded, working his hand at lightspeed. It worked like a charm. They both came all over the drummer’s fist, pretty much yelling at each other. ‘That was really good,’ sighed Luke happily when they went to lie down on their backs. He placed his head on Ashton’s chest. ‘I’m 90 percent sure that at least either Mike or Cal heard some of this, if it’s not the both of them.’ The drummer laughed, combing through the singer’s hair.

 ‘I really don’t care. That was _really_ nice.’

 ‘Is this… Can we do this again sometime?’

 ‘If you stop seeing Valentine.’  Luke nodded.

 ‘Yeah, I’ll… You’ll help me. You always do.’ Ashton kissed him softly. ‘Besides, if I have this, I don’t need Valentine anymore.’ It obviously hurt him, but he knew it was better. Ashton could feel that. ‘But Ash?’ The drummer looked at him. ‘I… I know I told you I didn’t need you to take care of me, but… I do. I want you to.’

 ‘I will.’ Ashton smiled softly. ‘I always will.’

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it. Leave a comment and a kudo, let me know your thoughts!
> 
> _gardener


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